Saturday, July 24, 2010

What is worse?

I have been spending time today trying to decide what is worse...being lonely or dealing with a spouse out of work for almost a year? In 2008 my hubby lost his job due to the economy after being with his company for 14yrs. He was out of work for almost a year and during that time we managed to get by, we kept things normal for the kids and we were even able to keep them in their private school, continue with dance lessons and sports and keep food on the table and a roof over our heads...Lord knows I don't know how we did it but we did and for that I Thank God everyday!!

The Lord brought many job opportunities throughout the time the hubby was home. Within 2 weeks of being laid off he was being flown to Texas for and interview, then to D.C. and another to Norfolk, Va. He was actually hired for one only to have the company halt hiring including his before we could actually stick a sign in the yard. Finally the job he has now appeared practically out of nowhere. Between the initial phone call to set up an interview to the day he started work was at the most 3weeks!

I was left with a house to sell, 2 kids still in school, a part time job and a dog...I was ALONE but not really since I had family and friends all around me. The hubby would come in every couple of weeks since he was now living 6+ hours away but the time he was home was always a rush of seeing family and trying to spend time with the kids and me and every other activity that needed our attention for that weekend. I never got sad or down in the dumps b/c friends were right around the corner.

After 6+months of living life on the road and no SOLD sign in front of our house we decided it was time to just rent the house out and pack up and move. We found a nice house to rent until our old one sells, got the kids enrolled for the last 6weeks of the school year and started settling in and that is when the loneliness crept in.

It was slow at first because I was busy with unpacking boxes and setting up our new house to keep me occupied. Then, the more and more time I had on my hands the more and more I began to realize how lonely I am eventhough I have my husband and kids all under the same roof now, gone are the friends and other family who were always around when the hubby was out of town. As I mentioned before, Lucy was all about wanting to introduce me to people and hang out with her and then when we got here, silence, no invites and she started turning down all of mine... I am sad, lonely, frustrated, sometimes jealous of others when I hear that they have gone out with friends or been invited to parties,etc...b/c that used to be me, always going here or there with people and now I am stuck in a city where I have no one to do any of that with.

So today I figured out that loneliness, even with 3 other people and a dog under the same roof as me, is far worse than having my hubby out of work for almost a year...

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